Thursday, March 15, 2018

Infused


“Cancer was found in the mass removed,” said the doctor. Hobbling into the shared cancer and chemo treatment waiting room that morning, I had pictured the meeting with the oncologist much differently. It involved balloons and a big banner in blue letters spelling out, “Benign!”


The deflated balloon of hope dragged behind me down the hall and back into the waiting room. Looking around at patients with varying degrees of withered bodies, pale features, varying stages of hair loss, my heart set on an elderly woman with a crochet American flag headband covering the front of her beautiful bald head. Only white wisps of hair were left on her blueish cranium. She sat alone.


As my best friend and husband of 21 years held my hand and we sat waiting for the appointment setter, a sort of peace accompanied the words replaying in my mind. The doctor spoke of 18 weeks of chemotherapy. I heard, “there will be trials you must endure.” The inevitable loss of hair and handing me a tissue in the same sentence; audible was the sound of, “store not your treasures on earth.” Words describing the way my body would be tired most days as it slowly adjusted to the chemicals being flushed through veins; precious railways of nutrition would now carry the most toxic of loads to even the very smallest of toes; whispers of, “the body does not survive on bread alone,” filled my ears. I was not alone. God was there. In the breaths in between talking about the future, God assured both my husband and me of his hand upon us.


I confess… I hate Facebook. Social Media Anxiety is what I have diagnosed my disdain and fear of this seemingly innocent communication platform. It is anxiety provoking to have any information about myself out there on social media. But as I sat there in the waiting room, not knowing anything else but to pray, I reached out to warriors to join me. Thinking about our church and the many interactions with godly women who walk the walk and talk the talk, the women who brought God into every conversation and situation, I made a list on Messenger. Once I was done, I knew there were more women, but these were the first to notify. Most I served side by side for the past 9 years in one form or another. Rationalizing about needing to let them know I wouldn’t be able to serve in the same capacity for a while, I wrote the following, “Asking for prayers for all involved on this journey. It's so humbling having to let go of the tight grip of control and give it into God’s ever-strong hands. I love you ladies thank you in advance for prayers.” Pressing “send”, into the nebulous it went.


My first encounter with God’s mercy and grace took place 30 years ago, and it was not my story. It came when my mother walked on this path. We rarely went to church nor talked much about God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. But I witnessed the Spirit in the gathering of community, the embracing of many women in my mom’s life. There were flowers, cards, cookies; visible, tangible items reflecting how much she was loved, but they did not make as much of an impression as when my mother told me when her friends said, “Our church is praying for you.” Their church? The whole church? How? How did they get the word out to an entire church? But we didn’t go to church, how would they know my mom?


My mother was told by the doctor she had one month to live. Mom just celebrated 30 years of remission. Prayer, I believe with every ounce of my being, worked.


The day I sent the message, I was not sure what I would encounter. It was a risk. Putting not only myself but also my mess online. What I received back was not only heartfelt prayer, but the most amazing display of love, grace, mercy, and ultimately, community. Community as I have never witnessed before. My heart was full, God was there in every encouraging word, every silly sticker, every heartfelt relay of a promise found in God’s Word.


The months following diagnosis, I experienced so much about God, the Holy Spirit, and the ever presence of Jesus. “God made a million, million doors in the world for his love to walk through. One of those doors is you,” Jeremy Gray wrote in the song, With Every Act of Love. His love walked through an amazing group of women. I look forward to writing more about this group, this community, these sisters.

Written by Jennifer Love

6 comments:

  1. God is good. And you are beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love you Jen! You are so inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love you Jennifer Love!!! You are a gifted writer, and every day I thank God for you and your friendship. You are an inspiration to me and many others for sure. I'm so thankful for answered prayers for you and your family (AC3'rs are family too) So very grateful to our AWESOME GOD!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for being open and genuine and sharing your journey. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Jennifer, I didn't know about this until I somehow stumbled across your beautiful, brave and inspirational post. I don't know the details, but I will sure be praying. May God bless you and continue to give you all the strength and peace you need to get through this. Please connect with me if you or your family need anything..I mean it! I'm also here if you need to "roll it off" of you. Hope that makes sense. Get in touch whenyou can. -Shantelle

    ReplyDelete
  6. My Name is Dora Judy i want to tell you all my life story about A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my husband have been trying to get a baby for the last 10 years now and we have had no luck. I don't have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I'm ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really hurting to me. my husband had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I'm thinking it could be a problem with me but I've never had any symptoms of any problems. My husband does smoke and have the occasional Priest ink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional Priest ink. i know i'm slightly overweight but that shouldn't affect our chances too much, one faithful day my friend told me about Dr Sam and told me to contact this spell caster that help her aunty, then i contact the man on this email: Supremespellcast@gmail.com, after three months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Dr Sam for helping me get a baby, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: {Supremespellcast@gmail.com Or Supremespellcast@yahoo.com} whatsapp him on +2347087462033 and he will also save your marriage or your relationship problems.

    You can read more about him on his website and contact him: http://supremespellcast.website2.me
    Name: Dora Judy
    Country: USA






    My Name is Dora Judy i want to tell you all my life story about A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my husband have been trying to get a baby for the last 10 years now and we have had no luck. I don't have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I'm ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really hurting to me. my husband had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I'm thinking it could be a problem with me but I've never had any symptoms of any problems. My husband does smoke and have the occasional Priest ink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional Priest ink. i know i'm slightly overweight but that shouldn't affect our chances too much, one faithful day my friend told me about Dr Sam and told me to contact this spell caster that help her aunty, then i contact the man on this email: Supremespellcast@gmail.com, after three months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Dr Sam for helping me get a baby, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: {Supremespellcast@gmail.com Or Supremespellcast@yahoo.com} whatsapp him on +2347087462033 and he will also save your marriage or your relationship problems.

    You can read more about him on his website and contact him: http://supremespellcast.website2.me
    Name: Dora Judy
    Country: USA

    ReplyDelete